


Choose Me

by Synonym_roll88



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Ships It, Bendemption, Error 404 - TROS not found, Fluff and Angst, Post TLJ, Rey is Nobody (Star Wars), The Force Ships It (Star Wars), meddlesome force ghost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27700778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synonym_roll88/pseuds/Synonym_roll88
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 20





	1. Places I can't go with you

Every time Rey closed her eyes, all she could see was the look on his face as she closed the ramp to the Falcon. The absolute misery written across that expressive face. When she thought about that look, there was a pain in her chest that squeezed so tight she almost couldn't breath. Her mind unhelpfully recalled him telling her she wasn't alone, how she had promised the same to him, and she was so angry that they had both broken that promise.

Rey was sitting on an overturned crate in one of the larger hidden compartments, her head in her hands. Drops were trickling down the insides of her arms and she was surprised to find she was crying. On Jakku, water had been such a precious commodity that Rey never allowed herself tears.

A loud sigh shook her from her wonderment at her own tears, her head whipping up to locate the source of the sigh. For one crazy moment, she thought the Force had connected her to Ben without her taking notice. At first glance, the man did resemble Ben with the same wavy hair and even a scar across the same eye. But this man emanated a soft blue glow.

"He never could have come with you," the man said.

Rey was affronted. "Of course he could have! His parents wanted him to come home. I told him I would help him. He absolutely could have come with me, but he chose not to!"

"What do you think would have happened had he come with you? How would your Resistance take that?"

Rey scowled at the man. "He could have given us valuable information about the First Order. He could have fought alongside us."

The man sighed again. "There is no amount of intel he could have given that would see him pardoned. He would have been tried as a war criminal and most likely executed. Not even Leia could have protected him from that."

Rage began to stir up within her at this man's words, but she could see the truth in them. "He could have run, then. I would have hidden him, taken him someplace safe."

The man gave her a piercing look as he asked "Who would have filled the power vacuum? One of the old guard who has dedicated a lifetime to seeing Darth Vader's vision come to fruition? General Hux, the man who was responsible for destroying an entire system? No matter who it would have been, it would have been worse than having Kylo Ren at the helm. Just think about it. There was never any other possible outcome. But your bond still exists. Neither of you is truly alone, and all that matters now is how you move forward."

The man faded from view before Rey could ask who he was or how he knew any of the things they had spoken about, but it didn't really matter. She recognized the encounter as the workings of the Force, and as frustrated as she was, she knew he was right about how neither of them could have gone with the other. A weight lifted off her shoulders when she accepted that. 


	2. I looked into myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo ForceTime again and Rey has another encounter with her mysterious visitor.

Seeing so much green after a lifetime of sand would never get old to Rey. Sitting on top of a fallen log, she looked around at all of the green and breathed deep. It felt like the first time in weeks that she was able to do so. Ever since BB-8 had rolled into her life, everything had moved- and changed- at a breakneck speed. The days that they had spent setting up base and settling in on Ajan Kloss had been filled with sadness and uncertainty but for Rey, it was a reprieve. 

Finn had introduced Rey to the friends he'd made while she was away. Poe and Rose had readily welcomed her into their circle. Now that the base was set up, Rey spent her time with her friends, tinkering around on the Falcon, or poring over the Jedi texts she had spirited away from Ahch-To. Her activities still left her with plenty of time to sit in the jungle and attempt to meditate as Luke had taught her. It was difficult to still her mind, so most of her attempts turned into a time of reflection. Oftentimes she thought about what her mysterious visitor had said to her about Ben. She thought about her life and what she wanted. Life on Jakku had been nothing more than surviving each day, but now she had options. Even though she had been swept up with the Resistance, did she truly believe in the cause? Did she want to be a Jedi the way they wanted her to be? These thoughts and many others occupied her alone time in the jungle.

Sitting on the log caught up in introspection, Rey startled when the world stilled as the bond brought Kylo Ren before her. Rey had given a lot of thought to what she might say to him when she next saw him, but every single thought fled her mind in light of his intense gaze. The emotions that flickered across his face were too many and too short lived for Rey to decipher. He scowled and looked away from her. None of the words Rey prepared came out. Instead, she blurted “Why did you do it, Ben? Why did you kill your father?” There was no accusation in her tone, just sadness. 

“I have nothing to say to you. Let’s just ignore each other until the connection ends.”

As if she hadn’t heard him, Rey continued. “You were right about my parents. It was painful to admit the truth about them when I spent my entire life waiting for them to come back. I longed for a mother to care for me, a father to protect me. So, even though I have begun to realize that your parents weren’t  _ good _ parents, I still can’t fathom how you could kill your father. Please help me understand,” she entreated, her voice hushed to a whisper at the end. 

For long moments, they sat in silence until Ben ignited his lightsaber and unleashed a torrent of fury on the surrounding stumps and foliage. He raged and raged and then abruptly disappeared. 

Rey made her way back to camp where her friends waited. Where she would be surrounded by people but still feel utterly alone. 

Blazing twin suns were sinking on the horizon and turning the flat sand around her red-orange. Rey turned slowly in a circle to see nothing and no one. Alone in the desert again. She sat in the sand dejectedly, but soon became aware of a presence. All of the sudden, the mysterious man was next to her. There was no blue glow this time, but she did notice that he was wearing Jedi robes. She hadn’t noticed before. 

“I can’t say I blame you for rejecting his proposal. ‘You’re nobody, you have no place in this story.’ It was lacking a certain...finesse,” he said cheekily. 

Rey’s mouth hung open in shock and then she frowned. “Are you talking about Kylo Ren? What he said to me after we fought Snoke’s guards? That wasn’t a proposal.”

The man scoffed. “You’re telling me!”

“Are you just a corporeal embodiment of the Force, or are you a real person? Are you a Jedi?” she asked.

The man seemed amused by her question but sad at the same time. 

“I was a Jedi. This planet was my home for a time. My beginnings aren’t so unlike your own.”

“Do you have a name, or shall I just keep thinking of you as a mystery man?”

He took his time answering, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell her. “My name is Anakin. And I would like to help you.”

“Help me by being annoyingly vague?” Rey lifted an eyebrow and the man laughed. 

“I’m sorry, being annoyingly vague is the Jedi way,” he replied, still laughing. “I can’t give you outright answers or direction, but I can guide you. Can I tell you a story?”

Rey nodded her affirmation.

“There was once a Jedi who had innate skill with the Force and was well accomplished. Some said he was Chosen to bring balance to the Force, and while didn’t know if that was true, he believed he was capable of amazing things. The Jedi eschew attachment, but in his many adventures, this man fell in love. The woman that he fell in love with was incredible, way too good for him, but somehow he won her over. The woman became pregnant, and even though the couple worried about being found out by the Jedi, they were happy. Dreams of the woman dying in childbirth plagued the man, though. He was desperate not to lose her like he had already lost his mother. The darkness took advantage of his desperation. It whispered promises of a way to save his wife. In the end, though, his wife died tragically at his own hand. The darkside makes many promises, but they are always broken. Remember that, Rey.”

With a sad smile, the dream faded and Rey woke with tear stained cheeks. 


	3. You don't hold me down the way you think you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are Kylo Ren and the First Order up to?

Hux was definitely planning something. It was obvious he didn’t believe that the scavenger girl had killed Snoke, instead believing Kylo Ren to be the usurper. Snoke had once accurately described Hux as a rabid cur, saying his weakness could be manipulated. But Kylo Ren knew better. The only way to deal with a rabid animal was to eliminate it before it could spread its disease. 

Getting rid of Hux would cause so many more problems, though, and there were enough of those already. It was no secret that the former Supreme Leader had encouraged the two mens’ dislike of each other, their competitiveness spurring them to please Snoke. 

So, Kylo couldn’t just kill Hux and be done with it, not when there was already so much distrust amongst the upper ranks. He could have a mutiny on his hands if he wasn’t careful.

At the forefront of his other problems was the fact that a large majority of his fleet had been destroyed. The First Order was currently hiding out in the unknown regions. New ships needed to be made, and that took money. Many meetings with the First Order’s accountants left Kylo with the immediate need to slice everything to bits with his lightsaber. There was talk of levying taxes or taking even more resources from places under their control and turning them for profit at the expense of the galactic economy.

Kylo had been shaped into Snoke’s weapon. That experience hadn’t included the finer points of ruling a galaxy. More than once, he caught himself wishing for his mother’s political acumen. Sometimes he fantasized about running away. Except for the fact that his throne was built on every sacrifice he’d ever made. If he left, it would all have been for nothing. When his despondency spiraled out of control, his thoughts always returned to Rey. If she had taken his hand, he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this on his own. What could he have said or done differently to make her choose him?

Their last encounter hadn’t gone well. Underneath his angry outburst was regret and so much shame for killing his father. He was anxious about the next time the Force would connect them, worried that Rey would scorn him even more for his appalling display. 

Ben sighed, another sleepless night ahead of him as his troubles kept him from finding peace.


	4. Not looking to hold you down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia gets filled in on what went down on Ahch-To

Finn was chatting animatedly while Rose and Rey tinkered with an ancient comms system trying to get it up and running. The two women had struck up an easy friendship and worked well together, bouncing ideas off of each other and somehow knowing what tools the other needed without saying a word. The three of them were laughing at the punchline of Finn’s joke when someone approached. 

“Hey, Connix! How’s it going?” Finn asked. It seemed like he knew everyone on the base. Not that it was hard since their numbers were so low. 

The operations controller smiled. “As good as can be, considering,” she gestured around to the ramshackle base of operations. “Rey, do you have a few minutes? General Organa wants a word.”

“Of course,” Rey stood, wiping her hands on a rag which she tossed at Finn. “Don’t have too much fun while I’m gone,” she grinned.

Rey followed Lt. Connix to the Tantive IV, the ship that was acting as a multipurpose command center. The general was on the bridge looking over a star map with the other members of high command. When she saw Rey, she excused herself and led Rey aside.

“Good morning, Rey. I’ll cut to the chase. I’d like to know where Luke left off in your training.”

Rey closed her eyes to center herself, not sure how to talk about Luke’s less than warm reception of her. “Master Luke was unwilling to leave the island and was reluctant to teach me. He said he would never train another generation of Jedi. I...persisted in asking him to at least train me if he wouldn’t come himself. He finally agreed to three days. All of his lessons were about how the Jedi needed to end.” The general’s eyebrows shot up.” The only practical thing he taught me was how to connect to the Force. He didn’t even finish the three days…” Rey trailed off. 

She could see the wheels turning in Leia’s head. “Three days...you were gone for much longer than three days. Do you mind filling me in on the rest?” she said with a wry smile. The smile fell from her face when she sensed a heaviness in Rey. 

“Is there somewhere more private we can talk?”

Leia slid her arm through Rey’s, the contact giving her some measure of comfort. When they were in Leia’s office, Leia offered Rey some tea who shook her head no. Leia waited patiently for the younger woman to fill the silence. With some hesitation, Rey began. “Why did Ben Solo turn to the darkside?”

That was not at all what Leia had expected. She shut her mouth when she realized it was hanging open in shock. “I always felt the darkness in him, even before he was born. When it became clear Han and I were not equipped to help him fight it, we sent him to Luke. One day, I received a comm from Luke saying Ben had destroyed the temple and the other padawans. That’s all I know.”

Rey shocked Leia again by glaring at her. “First of all, let’s call it what it was. You were too busy with your career and Han was always away. That was not you being ill equipped, that was you  _ choosing _ other things over your son. Second of all, your brother is a liar and a coward. He sensed the darkness in Ben and decided to put a stop to things before it grew even more. Ben woke to Luke standing over him with a lightsaber ready to strike. He was defending himself from the very person who was supposed to help and protect him. And when he thought he had killed Luke, he ran to Snoke. The only one who had always been there for him, unlike you and Han!” Rey pushed out of her chair and stormed out of the office, leaving Leia completely dumbfounded. Everyone got out of her way as she strode through the base and into the jungle to cool down. 


	5. Have I been unkind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizations are made. Bridges are built.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day. Writing Reylo fanfic is how I'm powering through the stress, y'all.

“Princess, Commander D’Acy would like to know if you--”

“Out, Threepio! And don’t let anyone come through this door.”

The droid ambled out the door stuttering “Oh dear, oh dear whatever has gotten into Princess Leia?”

Leia Organa had lived through a lot, and she had faced it all with composed stoicism. She liked that people viewed her as unshakeable. But in light of everything Rey had said, Leia found herself weeping. What the girl said was true; Leia and Han hadn’t been the best of parents. They had been preoccupied with their own lives. Her work as a senator was a responsibility she didn’t take lightly and she was fuelled by a constant refrain; there would always be time later. The galaxy needed a united, proactive government, but there would be time to spend with her son later, time to tell him the truth about his lineage later. Time to figure out what to do about the nightmares and voices later. 

What fools they had been. And Luke! It made sense now, his going off the grid with barely an explanation. She was so angry with him for hiding the truth about why Ben had gone to Snoke. She was angry at herself for not asking him more questions. Most of all, Leia was done lying to herself. There would be no time later; she was out of time. The radiation poisoning from being blown into space was killing her slowly. It was time to make things right with her son.

Sweat dripped from Kylo Ren as he sparred against droids in his training room. Imagining that the droids were Hux always helped him feel a little better when he demolished them all. He finished off one droid at his front, and spun around with a powerful backhanded swing and stopped short. There was Rey, in front of him, looking like she was out for blood. Wordlessly, he handed her a practice saber. They faced off, Rey going on the offensive with a brutal and swift attack. Her energy right now reminded him of his lightsaber, crackling with heat and instability. The whole reason he had come to the training room was to blow off some steam after feeling a burst of aggravation. He considered that maybe Rey’s emotions had been spilling into him through their bond. 

He could tell she’d been practicing. They were evenly matched, and after a while it was a draw. He turned off his saber first, trusting that Rey wouldn’t skewer him immediately. “Better?” he asked. She turned off her saber as well and sat down on the floor. 

For a few minutes, they sat side by side in companionable silence catching their breath. 

With a deep breath, head bowed, Rey spoke. “I understand now. About your father. And how Snoke lied about whatever killing Han would accomplish. Whatever promise he made that was broken. And I...I’m sorry for breaking my promise also.”

Anguish and relief warred on Ben’s face as she finally met his eyes. He responded slowly. “I kept feeling a pull to the light and Snoke always shamed me for it, tried to smother it out of me. I thought that killing my father would kill the light in me and finally end the conflict that tormented me. Instead, it tore me further.” Rey nodded in understanding. “What do you mean you broke a promise, though?”

“In the hut on Ahch-To, I told you you weren’t alone. Then again, in the turbolift we took to Snoke’s throne room, I told you I would help you. Instead, I abandoned you, just as everyone else in your life had abandoned you. Just as I had been abandoned.”

Silence reigned once more as he tried to take in her words. Never once had he dreamed that they would be having this conversation. It felt like she understood him at his core, the conflict of light and dark inside him and the loneliness he felt. 

“Then why, Rey? Why didn’t you take my hand?”

“I am sorry for leaving. But how could I have stayed? I asked you to stop firing on my friends and you wouldn’t do it. Even if you had, I don’t know if I would’ve stayed. I have no desire to rule the galaxy or be part of an organization that touts its power by annihilating entire systems. The thing is, now I understand that you couldn’t have come with me either,” she said sullenly. 

“So where does that leave us?” 

She shook her head in sorrow. “I don’t know. The only thing I do know is that I don’t want us to be enemies.”

With that, he faded from view and Rey cursed the bond for opening and closing at the most inopportune times. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking ahead here about where this fic is going and I honestly have no idea who I think Finn should end up with. He had such good chemistry with Poe and Rose in the films, it could go either way. Who do you think Finn's romantic interest should be?


	6. Keep my at my best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends are confided in. Plans are made.

The sounds of sparring filled the jungle. Wooden staffs clacked together, breaths came out in loud puffs. Their match came to a close when Finn’s staff glanced off her shoulder. 

“Rey! I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” 

Rey grinned. “Are you kidding? That was amazing. Finn, you just used to the Force to add strength to your blows!”

Puzzled, he asked “I did?”

“Incredible. You didn’t even realize that’s what you were doing,” she shook her head. “You’re going to have to start meditating with me.”

“Nah, I can’t do all that Jedi stuff you do.”

She elbowed him. “But you could learn!” 

He turned serious after all her ribbing. “Rey...are you ok? It seems like you’ve been distracted lately. And you’ve been so tight lipped about finding Luke and everything that came after…”

Her eyes got distant and she was quiet for so long, he thought she wouldn’t answer him. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here. You can tell me anything,” he started moving away.

Suddenly, Rey grabbed his wrist. “Finn, wait!” He turned back around and gave her his full attention. “I’ve never had a friend before. I don’t know how to do this. How to be open with other people -- how to lean on someone else. I’m also just not really sure how to explain things.”

Finn nodded encouragingly and Rey titled her head, considering how she could make him understand and not let this drive him away. Then it came to her. 

“On Jakku, I earned food by scavenging old wrecks. It seemed like I had a knack for it. Looking back, I think that was the Force. Anyway, it wasn’t easy, especially when I was little. Sometimes other bigger, older scavengers stole my hauls. So I had to get creative. I would take the things that no one else wanted because they didn’t believe they were worth anything. But I found that with a little patience and creativity, I could salvage just about anything.”

His growing confusion was clear, but he gestured for her to continue. 

“After I left Luke Skywalker, I went to Kylo Ren. I don’t understand how, but the Force has connected us and I sensed light in him. I believed that like all the discarded salvage I’d fixed up, there was something in him that was worth saving. I thought he would turn if only I could help him. He brought me before Snoke and it seemed like maybe I’d been wrong. But then he killed Snoke to save me.”

Finn’s arms wrapped around her. “Oh, Rey.” He held her for a moment and the simple gesture meant so much to her. It felt wonderful to be comforted and loved. “Are you going to tell Leia?” The words rumbled in his chest. She pulled away with a start, a sheepish look on her face. 

“I, uh, actually told her about how I went to the Supremacy after Ahch-To, but erm -- I sort of went off on her on Ben’s behalf. Come to think of it, I don’t believe I explained why I went to him or about our...connection.”

Finn sighed. “I’ll never forget watching that man kill his father or the feeling of his blade in my back. I can’t pretend to understand any weird Force connection. But I’m here for you, and I’m glad you told me.”

With a grateful squeeze, Rey stepped out of his embrace. “Come on, let’s get back to base for lunch.”

  
  
  


One of the things Leia did best was getting things done. Define an objective, make a list, decide on a timeline, delegate tasks. After Rey’s startling confrontation and the subsequent revelations Leia’d had, she went into planning mode for operation Make Things Right With Ben. After several days holed up in her office, she had the beginnings of a plan but needed more intel. She made her way to the mess area of Tantive IV knowing that Rey was a regular at mealtimes. 

Immediately upon entering, she was beset by everyone who had needed something from her during her isolation. They were all clamoring for her attention and wasn’t it well past time to let someone else handle these things? She added talking to Poe about increasing his duties to her list. With a hand, she quieted the din. “If you have something you need to meet with me about, C3PO will get it on my schedule for today,” dismissing them with a wave. 

Rey was easy to pick out of the crowd, her signature shining bright as a sun. It was good to see her laughing and talking with her friends. At Leia’s approach, they straightened to attention. Rather than look shamed about taking the general to task, Rey met her eyes, head high.  _ Good,  _ thought Leia. Unwavering conviction in doing the right thing was exactly what the future needed. Leia gave her a smile. 

“Rey, I’ve given a lot of thought to what we spoke about a few days back. I have a few follow up questions, it seems like I may be missing crucial pieces.” The look she exchanged with Finn didn’t go unnoticed. “Perhaps Finn could join us as well.” 

The two stood from the table saying goodbye to Poe and Rose. The walk to Leia’s office was quiet. 

“Please, have a seat. I assume Finn knows about our discussion?” Rey nodded and the general continued with a shrewd look. “Last time we spoke, you deflected my question about the time between leaving Luke and your timely rescue on Crait. But based on your passionate defense of my son and the amount you know about his fall to the darkside, I assume you were with him. Rey --It was difficult to hear what you had to say, but I’m grateful you made me see the truth and even more grateful that my son has someone like you in his corner. I understand that you might still be upset with me, but I hope that you will trust me enough to tell me more about...well, anything. It seems like I’m missing a lot of details.”

Rey gave a brief overview of the events that lead to her shipping herself to the Supremacy, making sure to emphasize that Chewie was in now way at fault. She gave a more detailed story about what had happened in Snoke’s throne room, how they fought like two halves of a whole. Mouth gaping, Finn listened with rapt attention since Rey had left all of this out of the version she’d given him. The story culminated in Ben’s invitation to rule by his side, her refusal and sadness that he wouldn’t come with her, and finally the broken legacy saber. 

Both Leia and Finn were astonished by Rey’s story. “I’m sorry, but how did you leave out the part where Kylo Ren  _ proposed _ to you when you told me?” Finn bursted out.

“You’re the second person to say that, but he did  _ not  _ propose!”

“What did you think he meant when he asked you to rule the galaxy. With him.”

Leia waved Rey off before she could answer. “So I take it you are still having these...connections with Ben?” Rey nodded. “I won’t mince my words. I’m not going to live much longer. I don’t know if I can end the war or turn Ben back to the light. But with my remaining time, I want to reconcile with my son. And I’d like your help.”


End file.
